Version 1 (via Wm The Shrubber)
The minions were cheering,"Volatility is dead".
Portfolios were leveraged, with nary a care,
With assurances that liquidity, would always be there.
With visions of higher; the Fed you don't fight.
My terminals blinking, and I at my desk,
I'd finally conceded, there was no more risk.
I sprang from my seat to see what was the matter.
Away to the Bloomberg, I flew like a flash,
Reviewed all the headlines and began to raise cash.
China was slowing, and our markets a bubble.
When what to the pandering press should appear,
Soothing words from the Fed, and again markets cheered.
I knew in an instant it must be Janet Yellen.
More rapid than eagles, her policies they came,
And she whistled and shouted and called them by name.
On Abenomics, on LTROs, the money is free.
$13TR and counting, we'll print 'til we die.
Prosperity from nothing, it's as easy as pie.
The Fed was preparing QEs 4, 5 and 6!
I often have asked, just how high is high.
I no longer question, I know to just buy.
The con worked again, she was proud of herself.
Fundamentals don't count, only faith in the Fed.
Investors the world over have nothing to dread.
Was saved once again by more asset inflation.
And I heard her exclaim, as she cranked up her press,
Wish your kids Merry Christmas, they'll inherit this mess!
* * *
Version 2 (via @sobata416 at Triggers)
EM FX was stirring, and in Russia, there was a rout.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that #SantaYellen soon would be there.
While visions of US Treasury bonds danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief’, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
To the window I flew like next year’s rates forecast,
Tore open the shutters and threw up my cash.
Gave the luster of gold guy’s shirt below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight #Fed reindeer.
I knew in a moment it must be #SantaYellen.
More rapid than oil’s price decline they came,
And she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
On, Bullard! On, Mester! On, Powell and Williams!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the $SPY.
So up to the house-top the courses they flew,
With the sleigh full of Fed Notes, and #SantaYellen too.
The prancing and pawning of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney #SantaYellen came with a bound.
And her clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of liquidity she had flung on her back,
And she looked like a peddler, just opening her pack.
Her cheeks were like roses, her nose like a cherry!
Her droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of her chin was as white as the snow.
And the smoke it encircled her head like a wreath.
She had a broad face and an Android celly,
That shook when she got texts such as “when’s the next QE?”.
And I laughed when I saw her, in spite of myself!
A wink of her eye and a twist of her head,
Soon gave me to know that I loved the #Fed.
And filled all the stockings, as the markets turned with a jerk.
And laying her finger aside of her nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney she rose!
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard her exclaim, as she drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to the bears – good-night!”
"Twas The Day Before Xmas, And All Through The Fed..." | Zero Hedge