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Wednesday, December 24, 2014

"Twas The Day Before Xmas, And All Through The Fed..."

Version 1 (via Wm The Shrubber)

Twas' two days before Christmas, and all through the Fed,
The minions were cheering,"Volatility is dead".
Portfolios were leveraged, with nary a care,
With assurances that liquidity, would always be there.

The indices climbed to new record heights,
With visions of higher; the Fed you don't fight.
My terminals blinking, and I at my desk,
I'd finally conceded, there was no more risk.

When in emerging markets there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my seat to see what was the matter.
Away to the Bloomberg, I flew like a flash,
Reviewed all the headlines and began to raise cash.

Europe was crashing, with Japan in more trouble,
China was slowing, and our markets a bubble.
When what to the pandering press should appear,
Soothing words from the Fed, and again markets cheered.

The algos u-turned, there'd be no more sellin',
I knew in an instant it must be Janet Yellen.
More rapid than eagles, her policies they came,
And she whistled and shouted and called them by name.

On stimulus, on TARP, on QEs 1, 2 and 3,
On Abenomics, on LTROs, the money is free.
$13TR and counting, we'll print 'til we die.
Prosperity from nothing, it's as easy as pie.

And then came the punchline, they'd found a new fix.
The Fed was preparing QEs 4, 5 and 6!
I often have asked, just how high is high.
I no longer question, I know to just buy.

The chairwoman smiled, a right jolly old elf.
The con worked again, she was proud of herself.
Fundamentals don't count, only faith in the Fed.
Investors the world over have nothing to dread.

A world drowning in debt, weighed down with deflation,
Was saved once again by more asset inflation.
And I heard her exclaim, as she cranked up her press,
Wish your kids Merry Christmas, they'll inherit this mess!

*  *  *

Version 2 (via @sobata416 at Triggers)

T’was the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
EM FX was stirring, and in Russia, there was a rout.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that #SantaYellen soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of US Treasury bonds danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief’, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
To the window I flew like next year’s rates forecast,
Tore open the shutters and threw up my cash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave the luster of gold guy’s shirt below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight #Fed reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and not sellin’,
I knew in a moment it must be #SantaYellen.
More rapid than oil’s price decline they came,
And she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now, Fischer! Now, Plosser! Now, Dudley and Evans!
On, Bullard! On, Mester! On, Powell and Williams!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the $SPY.
So up to the house-top the courses they flew,
With the sleigh full of Fed Notes, and #SantaYellen too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawning of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney #SantaYellen came with a bound.

She was dressed all in fur, from her head to her foot,
And her clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of liquidity she had flung on her back,
And she looked like a peddler, just opening her pack.

Her eyes – how they twinkled! Her dimples how merry!
Her cheeks were like roses, her nose like a cherry!
Her droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of her chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe she held tight in her teeth,
And the smoke it encircled her head like a wreath.
She had a broad face and an Android celly,
That shook when she got texts such as “when’s the next QE?”.

She was boring and lovely, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw her, in spite of myself!
A wink of her eye and a twist of her head,
Soon gave me to know that I loved the #Fed.

She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,
And filled all the stockings, as the markets turned with a jerk.
And laying her finger aside of her nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney she rose!

She sprang to her sleigh, to her team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard her exclaim, as she drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to the bears – good-night!

Merry XMAS,

"Twas The Day Before Xmas, And All Through The Fed..." | Zero Hedge